silvermancer a.k.a. Rei. I sloth my entire day doing nothing but FUN things which i think they are with a main purpose to solely entertain myself. Like all, I have my temperaments which are pretty bizarre at times..hmm..perhaps most of the time, eh? ahaha. And I'm feeling 
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Friday, April 30, 2010 @ 17:20
May 3rd will be the day u just need to bare with it for a lil while more. i swear to you it will be over soon. real soon and quitely i hope. hold onto the pride that you have for my very existen is forsaken. here I sign and here i take it all away...the pain and suffocation along and away... bare with me my love bare with me..a lil while more it can wait... Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Monday, April 26, 2010 @ 00:40
once in a blue moon once in a blue moon.... i recalled... so many things happened over the the months... so many things happened so fast... i dont know how besides trying my best to fight them off and to fed myself...to fend ourselves... i dont know anymore but to just keep on doing in what i believe is the best.. and yes..i love you dearly...n it kills me...i loved you till it kills me... sayang...please...no more...im just looking forward to see you in May... Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Saturday, February 27, 2010 @ 14:15
Goodbye Yuki My baby ham ham Yukiyo or fondly known as Yuki passed away yesterday afternoon. We suspect she had a heat stroke since she was unable to changed back into her normal coat from winter coat. Plus the CNY weather was a fiery affair. It was all drama...to write it out will make me emo once again. I better leave it. Akito felt it too. The most at least, as he still search frantically for her and panicky telling me that Yuki is missing and no where to be seen. I say my final words to her as i clean her off...stroke her head and cuddle her like how i used to for the final time. She was fine the night before, was still fine the morning i saw her...and out of sudden she didnt make it through the evening. Heart-wrenching as it is, she was almost cured off from her urination tract infection...gained bck her weight etc etc... Though she was still as active as ever, she takes lots of sleep...i guess she knew she was going afterall..since she has been wanting lots of attention lately. and for the past few weeks, keep on giving you lots of kisses her eand there...and not long ago...she will just come up to you on your bed and give you a peck on your lips. awww...i still remeber how sweet she was...n i was wondering why ar~~~ ehehe...the only thing i can think off is she was being manja since she was being away from me for 1 week during CNY break. Enough of those, ....Baby Yuki was laid to rest at the Waterfall near our home. It rained cats and dogs that day. Ah Kit was there. And he was holding the umbrella for us and coincidentally both of us were wearing black that day when she was found dead. Reminding her on how much I love her and how much we (Akito and I) will missed her...and giving her some good advice and saying a lil prayer...we send her off by letting her sail off at the waterfall in her newspaper and plastic bag casket. Baby...you will be deeply missed.  For those who grew fond of her...and wasnt there. You could drop her a few kind words and share her your love at her Online Memorial. (click!) Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Monday, February 01, 2010 @ 00:55
killed..it killed our love... his attitude of "boh chap" killed us all it killed his... killing mine... and ultimately killed our love.... it officially killed us... today... oh well.yesterday 10smtg... 8 month+...a record...smtg that i cant believe myself... it killed me eventually... everyone is rejoicing..well almost everyone... but its typical..ppl always remember the bad side easily... they forgot bout the joy n love that he brings to me... they forgot about the day when i will always look forward and smile 24/7 they forgot bout the day when theres always a glow in my face they forgot...and forgot...those happy lil things...a day that i will always laugh...even if its a bad day... oh they had forgotten on all the good things he brings into my life... my tears...are dried up...there are practically none to shed... i did not...he did...trying hard to hold up his tears....i can practically hear him goes like a flue person trying to stop his runnynose like that.. sigh~ it breaks my heart to just see that...but i was calm and composed on the outside...n inside. but deep deep down...im shattered into pieces even though i knew it far before hand.'' kanashi....atashiwa koto kanashi yo... kore wa ai to...anatano zutto kanggaeiru... aitai...aitai yo...suki...suki dai suki yo...demo..itaii... korewa kimochi kirai... anata....:) zutto dai saitten! ;) Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Sunday, January 31, 2010 @ 16:26
bleed it thru my hearts bleed every time its like this... i'm at my verge of my existence... i'm at the verge of patience... but what ever it is... i've say what i have to say... it's all up to you now to do it or not... *hearts* Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Sunday, November 22, 2009 @ 13:54
run rei run with an unsound mind..there are two things for me to click and i wonder which and should i not...reminiscence of the golden sapphire sends tremors of chills to my spine...im falling from my glory of crown...to the netherlands i become...i ponder...and ponder... i just want to run ... for all the things that i fought for ... i spent my entire life of 22 years fighting against the many wills of ppl to drag me into living their lives n dreams... i have my own...n i will do anything to get what i want even if it means hurting myself and risking a lil..the rewards reap is fullfilling...im a very determined person and to achieve what i want...i close the door to my heart...i close myself from everything and anything that could hurt me and bring my walls down...i was afraid...of losing myself...of losing control on what i am able to do... i've triumph in many of these events...n came out champion..thats how i lead my life till now...everything planned out...everything runnig smoothly as what i want...to give me what i want... till i met him... emotions swarm over me like never b4 ...it was wild and a whirlwind...i loved him...too much i realised. i thought of doom and giving up at 1st as it will be in my way..but i found way sto deal with it...why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone...i was greedy...and i was feeling rather bold. why cant i have both loved and success? why... forced to choose and choose n choose...and with constant nagging...i;ve reach my limit. im at my peak...i've reahc a point which i just wnat to give up everything...im tired...very tired..of this cycle... we had a big fight yesterday...our first and hopefully our last...over small minal things..hwich i can easily solved it...but as human nature calls..he's one though cookie. there. i got my wish. a guy on the same par as me. more to say....more on a higher note than me. i panicked and stunned. n i donnt what to do. for the 1st time i actually cried over an argument and cried badly over a talk. like a kid i plea and all..it cut me through when it falls on deaf ears...yes...im looking at him...like looking at myself in a mirror.... i was beyond my sound mind...my door is closing...my heart is hidin behind the wall...my voice is gone...i look into the distance empty spaced with tears rolling down my eyes...till he holds me and calls out to me...took me awhile to have the strength back to answer him.. i was lost. i have lost. i've lost... my ego tells me to hold on to it...future are unknown...anything can happend. you step into this knowing well that you are taking a big gamble. i throw away so many things to have 2 things in my life...my dream job and the man that i love so much. i had them all...it was worth it. but its reflection shown yesterday...kills me. i no longer want anything. i dont know what to choose. i dont know wat to do. my investment just goes off like that...im right now...in a state of an unsound mind...im burn out...from fighting for things hat i want....im tired of chasing dreams...im tired of loving you so badly...im tired of fending off those ppl who wants to take away my dreams...im tired... i've not a single energy left...i just want to run... with this good luck charm chopstick that i tied for you... may this be the last time i cried for you... may this be the last blood i bleed for you... may today;s brunch be my last cooking for you... may this song i sang be the last song i will sing to you... may this kiss be the last kiss i give to you... may this huggles and cuddles be the last warmth i share with you... may this memory today be the last to be locked away.... i declare you...to leave... leave... leave....i cant... i dont want to...not that i cant...but i dont want to. all this feelings...all thsi words...all the time and effort i've invested...is eating me up slowly and gradually will devour all of me...and one day...like you say...when the real final blow actually came...i might not be able to take it by then. i night just be blown off so badly that im back to my old self...hiding in the dark empty space in my mind...emotionless... i just want to run..and run...and run...and i will run... i dont feel like waking you up now for my selfish self... dear...please dont leave me. please dont... go... *sobz* Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Sunday, October 25, 2009 @ 13:25
the perfections of the lil imperfections  with dearie leaving me behind soon in about 2 weeks time... it is as though that i never thought of what could and might happened there and then.. till this that..thoughts of this clouded my mind ever since he announced to me his plan of leaving ti pursue his dream career.. i support. as i keep this fear and worries in me, myself...i solved and managed ot talk myself out of the negative things that might be..and i;m all a happy kid again nevertheless, yesterday dearie surprised me with questions of these like.."what do you like about me?" ...and questioning on us in terms of distance, security, trust and the unknown. as i fight through to hold onto my tears in the public, i gave in to them eventually when i'm at home. its unbearable. the thought and feelings of having some1 so dear to you to slipped away like that is scarily frightening. there was a time when i thought i was ok without him..when i dont needed him i'll be ok. like how i use to be when i'm with the other guys of my past relationships. but this had stop to came into a time when i cant live without him. ironic? yes i know. and i understand. we have the most ups and down and the most exciting and fun filled loved relationship hat i ever had experienced. he was wonderfully fit to be my next partner in life. i practically cried my shit off throughout this relationship...ahaha..yah..laugh all you want. shzeli crying? ahahha...yes ppl. i cried like shit when im with him. he managed to opens up and held this fragile heart that i hide in me. so basically i can just cry naturally on small small things that makes me feel so sad without control. lol~!!!  so ok....i do understand on why and what he fears..but hey? ntg is perfect. and aint that suppose to be part of the fun being in a relationship? at least we tried to hold things and make it better. at least we put in an effort. and let things take its course rather than doing ntg and just let it be lik ethat. as i said this dearie udnst what i mean..and yes...i wished that he realy undt waht im saying. :) but nevertheless this i tell him " that it is the lil imperfections that he has that makes everything perfect. ...:) and i love him so that way..:)  and now.i need to go wake him up from his so called prince charming deep slumber..ahaha..tsktsktsk but im overall happy with him..and is glad that he opens up to me like that..:) and just like that...we go our ways in loved with each otehr...waiting for another better wonderfuly day to see each otehr again.. till we embrace each other...LET'S PARTY~!!!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAH...and yeah..pls remeber that i always loved you.  Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Friday, September 25, 2009 @ 13:27
My hearts My dreams..crushed beneath you... For all the things that i thought i knew... For all the thing that i have fought for... For all my pursuit for things of dreams... I've unconciously abandon and crushed you deep inside... And I thought I knew...it all along.... I'm the sinner... I'm the beholder... Enlighten me...my love... *hearts* Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Tuesday, May 19, 2009 @ 15:14
officially yours..officially us on Mother's Day  ^^ ...Dearie and I are officially together as a couple on Mother's Day!! 10th May!!! ^^ ehehe *shucks~~* *blushblush*..and im all happy happy all smile up everyday.... ^^ *huggsles* Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Wednesday, April 15, 2009 @ 21:54
My heart...my soul...sings...this... Teardrops on my guitar -Taylor Swift- Drew looks at me I fake a smile so he won't see What I want and I need And everything that we should be I'll bet she's beautiful That girl he talks about And she's got everything That I have to live without Drew talks to me I laugh 'cause it's just so funny I can't even see Anyone when he's with me He says he's so in love He's finally got it right I wonder if he knows He's all I think about at night He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing Don't know why I do Drew walks by me Can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly The kind of flawless I wish I could be She better hold him tight Give him all her love Look in those beautiful eyes And know she's lucky 'cause He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing Don't know why I do So I drive home alone As I turn out the light I'll put his picture down And maybe get some sleep tonight 'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart He's the song in the car I keep singing Don't know why I do He's the time taken up but there's never enough And he's all that I need to fall into Drew looks at me I fake a smile so he won't see Labels: misc, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Sunday, April 05, 2009 @ 21:06
a piece of thought that makes me wonder... and wishes... ... for all the time that i have left...i wish i would have more time and all the time i could ever have to do all the things that i ever wanted... ...with you... ... *faint smiles* :) Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Tuesday, March 24, 2009 @ 20:58
The white thing..the white lil feeling It was such a beautiful day today..such beautiful morning that one could have never imagine how beautiful it is. Chilly and all...drops of dew..and the serenity of silence that encompass its surrounding... :) heaven..i thought ...heaven on earth... :) Then i saw it...all white..the biggest so far i've seen...so white..so clear..it slowly floats...gracefully glide away ..and it came to me in my head.."oh..its so beautiful..its so happy.. :) " and i can't stop smiling...its been awhile since i last saw a happy soul...its so beautiful...and i wonder..would i be the same? ..would i be that happy...will there come a time when i will glide away as peacefully and as happy and gracefully as she did... :) it was so beautiful..such a beautiful sight..i have never seen or felt this beautiful before... :) a tingling feeling of peace , happiness and serenity run through me like never before, and i know that time is soon, will be..soon...and heaven can wait...a lil much longer.. :) and i wonder.."eh..why is she so happy?" from the graceful way it glides.. i can only think of one... :) .."seeing and meeting the one.." and with that my thoughts run to you..and yes i know this lil white feeling... "i miss you too.. :)" *tiny lil hearts from me to you* Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Saturday, March 14, 2009 @ 19:12
for all i know... it is not going to work like that... sigh i have no idea what got into me..call me emo or whatsoever but all the damm shit i ever gonna care about is right now ..what the heck is going on in my head i dont know what struck my head..or my heart. but suddenly...for this semester...i just loose all my confidence in doing things. most prob thnx to dr.selva. tsk! i have no confidence in doing assngs..writing my cover letter,...or do watever shitz that i wana do.. and most probaly is FYP's fault as well.. hai~~ too much rejection through out previous sems and here you have. a soul without self confidence in things she do. im ..hai~ i dunno. guess it cant be help...im stil looking for jobs...otehr better jobs..ko is helping to look for job in Sg. everyone wants me to go Sg. aih~ but dunno ler...dearie is not awar eof any of this. he has no sense of urgency. selamba saje as always... aih~ watever la...leave aso leave la..stay aso stay la...watever..watever la... can i just run away far far away..... Labels: thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Sunday, March 08, 2009 @ 17:56
my 22nd Birthday.. :) on 5th march....we celebrated my EARLY bday~~ ^^ at Nandos Jaya One..in which they make me do things.. =.=" tapi tak pe~~~ celebrate jugak~~ ahahha  then on my REAL BDAY!!! 7TH MARCH!!! i celebrated it at Sushi Zanmai; The Gardens~ aku belanja of cos...ahaha  the Stamina Roll~~~ The guest~  My clubbing kaki  My roomie and supper mate  My good old frens from penang  Nice nice food... ^^  and of cos...Dearie~!! my dearie.. ^^ *hearts* and im SUPER HAPPY bcos...i can finally celebrate my bday with some1 i hearts...yesh. ironicaly this wish of mine is never been fulfill by any of my exs. but with it being granted...it just means..im left with 2 more wish...i think...and hopefully i will have the time to have it all before everthing ends... :) and most of all...hopefully ..yeah...hopefully...things will change and i will have more time to enjoy it all... :) *hearts* Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Saturday, February 14, 2009 @ 19:01
my valentine... February 14, the day when some ppl dreaded and the day which i am looking fwd to spend with someone i like. or perhaps...someone i love. *wink* so this year...i FINALLY get to spend it with that someone. Dearie. :) Dearie suppose to came to fetch me at 10pm on friday..but end up 12am only come and fetch me cos apparently dearie is not done helping his mum sending flowers. *you go figures*  I heart these colors..they are some of my fav colors and yesh. Dearie doesnt know about it. He just got lucky. lol~!!!  yeah..I 3 rose you too... XP ahahah  This is the 1st time you guys see him, rite? ok...i need you to focus on his hand. CHECK THAT OUT! ahahahhahahahhah~!! his hand in this pic reminds me of Jack Skeleton!!! ahahahahha yup..thats the Chopstick pig for you.  And TAKO!! MY TAKO!!! i think the box is soooooo cute!! KYA~!!! 6 biji rm4. ;)  And yours truly~ ^^ ...and no...im not trying to eat the flower. >_>  although valentines didnt go as planned as how dearie wanted, but i do have lots of fun with the 2 hours that we had. And i didnt expect Dearie to deliberitly skip his afternoon class just to come back from Nilai , early to planned for the night. To surprise me with dinner at TGI ,already reserved and arranged with his TGI friend which will then lead to him caught me by surprise cos he told me he would come at 10pm and we are only going to watch movie. *tsktsktsk* But thanks to overflow of flower orders, Dearie has to cancled all these last minute. and therefore we end up going out at 12am when Dear is done with his job for the day.Drive around and talk and off we go to Asia Cafe at Subang to meet up with Dearie's friends and for supper. AND~!!! Dearie gotta send me home early cos he needs to send flowers again later at 8am. will be busy wholeday and im stuck at home like this. ahahhaha who ask me to date a florist's son, eh? ahhaha *hearts* Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Monday, February 09, 2009 @ 19:53
its sweet enough for me i sleep myself off from thinking alot and i was suddenly awaken from my evening nap by an SMS partially cursing it to death it reads: "Sleeping beauty, you awake?" a rush of sakura pink to the cheeks draws the happiest-gal-on-earth smile on my zombie face and the rest was memory. its sweet enough to read or have such sweet thing for you to see or hear 1st thing when you open your eyes. it changes everything. made your day. just like how some1 used to morning call me and say.."Good morning, Sunshine. " It makes you feel like you are somewhat a princess in a fairytale land. :) And of coz i wont deny the fact that being half awake and half dreamy, what can i expect more from my replies if its not kiddish, dreamy and sleep-talking-like, eh? ehhehe...so yeah...it doesn't takes alot to make me happy..just lil sweet things like this will do. cos its sweet enough for me to be a great memory and makes me heart you even more. ^^ and souping up something for me is an added sweetness to everything. i cant asked for more..nor afford anything more... *hugglesdearie* Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Sunday, February 08, 2009 @ 01:20
a word to dearie Dear Dearie, Oh, don't be such an ass with me, you ass. Love, LOL. Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Saturday, December 27, 2008 @ 16:38
H-A-P-P-Y!!! the tittle says it all... H-A-P-P-Y!!!! ^V^ *giggles all the way* Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Saturday, December 20, 2008 @ 23:59
pissed. fkc off dude~!!! ya dude~!!! fuck off! wth you think you are, eh??? not even my parents owned my time..so who the heck you think you are!!!??? hello~~~~ assholes~~!!!! are you listening??? are you awake??? *slapslapslapINFINITY* for everyone infomation...i HATE ppl who thinks they are SOOOO big that they owned my time. MY ASS!!! you plan and set a time.u make sure you follow it!!! if you cant you CAN always inform ppl ALWAYSEARLIER!!! and earlier as in 1 DAY B4!!! or..worst come to worst...AT LEAST few hours before. DUN come give me such shitz calling me up telling me you cnat make it 1 HOUR B4 TIME!!! i will slaughter your ass off!!! and DUN come calling me telling me shitz like you need to bring things foward to like..."hey...can we leave early? like...in 1 hour time?" i will MAKE SURE YOU WILL NV SEE TOMORROW!!! so yeah`!!! take that you idiot!!! IDIOTZ~!!! go get a life!!! you think my whole day is just for you??? dun even try to think of kissing my ass...GO KISS YOUR OWN ASS, SHITZ!! lol~!!! to be honest to you...i dun even need you!!! and dun act as if my life depends on you~!!! you want me to carpool with ya...oh heck i can carpool wif ya. but dun come give me such lats minute shitz, cos i can just go get myself bus tickets to go off!! I DUN NEED YOUR GOD DAM CARPOOL in th every 1st place!!! assholes. you and your last minute frens...and hell you are in too cos you submit to their last minute decision and let them push you around..so yeah..you and your last minute frens are dickhead. you think you can just take up my time and shift my plans just like that??? THINK TWICE, you idiotz...IDIOTIC BABOONZ!!! you think you are all smart??? YOU ARE NOT EVEN AN INCH CLOSE!!! a person who cant manage their own time and thing and don't even know their rights and cant even fight for their own principles and piriorities are NOTHING but a piece of shit walking around, like a zombified terrorists! LOL~!!!! AHAHHAHAHA... chih. assholes. guys are just freking assholes. issit just me or the world has been populated by certain amount of humans who dun even know what is called time management and good planning??? anyway... will be heading back to Penang in about...30 minutes time...and yes...with some freaking baboonz..which i screwed the driver's head for almost 20 minutes on the phone to get his head right. i pratically have to FOUGHT through to get this freaking time: leaving a 12.45am instead of 1 or 2 am as promised. and it seems that after dr.selva's classes for 2 sem consecutive, i AM getting for particular with this aspect of life! i used to close one eye on such thing...but my ass!! oh boy, am i getting furious on such lame attitude. no sense of respect and responsibility at all. if you cant even handle such small thingz of your life, tell me...whatelse can you even handle properly,huh??? no wonder the world is filled with so many screwed up ppl. tsk! pissed. Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer Tuesday, November 25, 2008 @ 21:50
Koishigaru Misscommunication when misscommunication happens..it drives you up your nerve. ESPECIALLY when that comes from some1 who you try to get your msg thru URGENTLY!!! lol~!!! i was talking to dear yesterday on msn..and out of the blues we start talking in japs. oh well..ok. now...we all know that there are certain words that japs dun have and that you actually have to use the nearest words to get your msg thru... for example, there are many ways to say i miss you in japs...such as: 1. Aitai ( I wana see you) 2. Sabiishigaru ( equivalent to I Miss You) comes from the word Sabiishi (Lonely) 3. Anata no koto wa kagaete iru ( I am thinking of you) 4. Koishigaru ( I miss you in a loving manner, said to lovers) ok..so here's the point...you read things according to context...but SOMEONE reads it directly as in the text!!! APA NI!!!??? part of last nite conversation yg kek tung... Misscommunication 1 R: dear..aitai yo... ^^ M : heh??? why??? why pain??? R: huh? what pain??? where where??? M: i was just kidding bout just now...hey...dun like that ler... Rei: Huh??? wait wait...what pain are u talking bout? M: you say itai. R: woot~!!!???? where got??? nani no kore wa!??? aitai yo!!! AITAI!! ITAI JANAI!!! M: oh..ahahha...read wrongly~~~ R: >_> Misscommunication 2 M: actually i saje wana perli you... R: so ka...ja..saki wa aitai...ima wa anata no koto wa kagaete nai...chih! *hopes that can clear the misscommunication by using other words and get the msg accross* M: well~~ we can meet up la...i need to settle my part time job 1st ma... R: *phek chek* did i even say that in the very 1st place? 0_0 ---------end of misscomm -------------- gah~!!! otoko baka!!! Dear dear baka!!! must i used "Koishigaru???" gah~!!! *tukultukultukul* lol~!!!!!!!!! >_< Labels: in a day life, thoughts: heart to heart Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer |