silvermancer a.k.a. Rei. I sloth my entire day doing nothing but FUN things which i think they are with a main purpose to solely entertain myself. Like all, I have my temperaments which are pretty bizarre at times..hmm..perhaps most of the time, eh? ahaha. And I'm feeling 
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006 @ 22:16
zen zen wakaranai... heh...wakaranai desu..zen zen wakaranai...otosan...u've been telling me the same old thing since i was a kid...smtg that i listened so much that im so used to it that i cant give u any expression but just nod...and a occasionally...oo... dinner...just got back from dinner...at kayu...thought im suppose to go eat with the whole family..but end up..its actually only me n my dad...my nephew came over..will b over niting here...heh ...em..as i expected...dad will start talking to me n telling me the same stuff over again during dinner... asked hows school... i give the usual answer..."o..like that lor" ..but think again..how bout telling him on the new assng since its pretty interesting all the assng this sem...more used of my crativity..dumped the books..use the brains!!! yeah~!!! thats more like it!!! ...but i forgot the most important part that i hate...dislike...results...i 4got that anything that i answered about my school will lead to his questioning on my results...heh.. and here we go again...expected reaction...i dislike telling ppl my results...especially family...hate it...i dun care wetehr its good or not..i just dun like them to know my results...coz its nv enuf...and once u hit it...they expect more...and if u dont...u will b told to seek your own fault...blablabla..all sorts of grandmotehr stories...hai! dislike it. dad has always been telling me...or i would say...i was brought up with this in my mind...to see that watever hapens...its my own fault... heh... dad explanation is that...if i stop blaming ppl for wat hapen to myself and to look at my own mistakes , to search for my own fault..then i will b able to improve myself...that means...the matter will b solve...and i'll b happy no worries...but is that so, dad? ...seek my own fault...i always did...often...yeah..probs do get solved..no worries...but how come i was nv happy? ...often...i was not...most of the time i was not... i dun realy feel happy to know that im the cause of wat hapen and being able to solved it...zen zen wakaranai desu... how? now wat? ...once again u asked me bout my dreams....a thing that i cant answer u or anyone...cos i simply have none left...its just like wat u say...most things that we dream cant be acchieved...u say i have to compromised with stuff...yeah..i did all that...but im not happy...theres more tears than joy...my dreams are like empty shells...how would i answer u then? i have a life...not realy been lived fully...and so i tell u this...and only this i can tell my plan for the future is...1. i dun want to be tied down with hetic scedule... 2. i like to create stuff..so i like to do some thing that uses my creative brains!!!!! my darn talent which are useless in all my school life!!!! argh!!! but at least this sem assng is making use of it abit... 3.the job has to be fun and i dun like monotonouse jobs... everyday must have something fun and something new to create!!! new ideas!!! 4. i like working from home ...and of cos...i didnt tell u the last one...i dun like to answer to ppl... i dun like to be questioned often... summary? im looking for smtg which matched my passion....my needs...and wants... heh...my dreams cannot move foward neitehr can they come back to me now...try dying once...i've lost the vision of the future... Mitsuketa! ♥ silvermancer |